25 Oca3 dakikada okunur

Last seen at: [Standard]

Güncelleme tarihi: 25 Oca

After years, I watched 'The Bothersome Man' once again.

It's been quite a while since I last delved into its world, and this time around, every scene tugged at my heartstrings.

As I immersed myself in the film's narrative, a wave of emotions swept over me, and I found myself on the verge of tears in nearly every scene.

It's fascinating how our perception of a story can evolve with time, with environment and with the conditions. Years ago, during my initial viewing, laughter resonated through each frame, and the tale appeared almost tragically comedic. But this time, I just wanted to cry.

I couldn't help but feel a deep connection to the profound sadness that echoed through the story. And I couldn't help but ponder upon the vulnerability of the paths we open to delve into the depths of the creative process, without considering their fragility in the face of the external world.

In the very opening moments of 'The Bothersome Man’ during the Prologue, we realize that we've entered a world that no longer adheres to the norms. Something is peculiar, absurd, and all this extraordinariness has worn down the protagonist's patience to the point of frustration. In our hero's eyes, there is pain, there is sorrow, there is despair, there is depression, and an overwhelming sense of unbearable burden.

The result of his reflections in this dull, this bland world is a sense of hopelessness,

sense of senselessness.

Every time I begin to write a new story, it feels like my world splits in two;

There's the inner world within me, filled with flavor, desire, passion, pain, pleasure, fire, hope, joy and excitement.

And then there's the external world around me. Perhaps it appears perfectly normal to others; everything is fine, and everyone can still find something to be happy about in their own way. However, throughout my writing process, this external world feels like another realm to me. A Standard world where nothing is vibrant. And the lack of harmony between what's happening outside and what's happening inside drags me into depression.

It has always been this way, but I had never labeled the external world as 'Standard' before. This time, the external world is, for the first time in my life, almost unbearably challenging to endure. This is why unlike in the past, it seems impossible for me to establish a balance between my inner world and the external world. 'The Bothersome Man' gave me a new expression to depict my external world: Standard

Like the city of Standard from 'The Bothersome Man'

A place where no touch initiates anything, no meal tastes delightful, no conversation fully satisfies, colors fade, sounds lose their vibrancy—a place devoid of meaning.

And as the film begins, I realize that this writing process will be unlike any other.

It will be 'more' in every sense; more intense, more challenging. Therefore, this transformation will be stronger this time, but much more painful. The depth of my creation will plunge further, and the path I have opened into the depths will turn me into a much more fragile being.

And I wholeheartedly believe that every person on Earth who engages in truthful and authentic creation experiences this isolation, depression and separation, questioning the meaning just like Andreas, throughout their creative process until their creations come to fruition in the external world. We are all Andreas.

Due to the vital necessities of my external world, when I am required to share my personal space with others, when my study, writing or thought process is interrupted, when I am pulled out of my inner world, I find myself experiencing the pain of that moment when Andreas is forcibly dragged out of the tunnel that he opened for escape to the other side.

It's as if, just as I begin to savor the flavor, scent, laughter, and pleasure of reaching the point I've envisioned by delving deep into my inner world, starting to hear the joyful voices of my inner child, someone is pulling me by the feet, dragging me out into the external world.

And just like Andreas, I find myself, at the last moment, trying to preserve the taste of the morsel I managed to snatch by holding it in my mouth, savoring it for a longer while.

The real world, or the external world, is becoming a bit more unpleasant every day. Crimes of humanity, heartbreaks, disappointments, misunderstandings, forced proximities...

But most of all;

"The time between what is exist now and what should be."

Now, I am fading away in every opportunity within the time gap between things, and when I return to the real world, I notice a missing person flyer in my hand;

Missing Person: Zeynep Dilara

Last Seen At: [Standard]